Writing Craft: The Five Tools for Showing

The Five Tools for Showing

 

By Randy Ingermanson 

 

Your job as a novelist is very simple: to create a movie inside your reader’s head.

Not a picture. Not a sound bite. Not a word salad.

A movie. Inside your reader’s head.

Do that, and you win.

When editors tell you to “show, don’t tell,” what they really mean is to create that movie in your reader’s head.

You have five tools for showing that movie. That’s all. Just five. Master those five tools, and you’re far along the road to novelist nirvana. Here they are:

• Action
• Dialogue
• Interior Monologue
• Interior Emotion
• Sensory Description

Action

Action is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being doing something. Some examples:

• Hermione jumped on her broomstick and raced after Malfoy.
• Michael Corleone pointed his gun at the head of the police captain and squeezed the trigger.
• C3PO pressed its fingers into the wall socket, tripping the circuit breaker and plunging the room into darkness.

Dialogue

Dialogue is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being saying something. Some examples:

• “You are the last man I could ever be prevailed upon to marry,” said Elizabeth Bennet.
• “Hasta la vista, baby,” said the Terminator.
• “These are not the droids you’re looking for,” said Obi-wan Kenobi.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being thinking something. Some examples:

• I’ve got to catch that bottle of nitro before it hits the floor.
• Bad news. He loves me and he loves me not.
• It’s not enough to win this fight just for today. I need to win the fight for all time.

Interior Emotion

Interior emotion is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being feeling emotion.

This is more complicated than the other tools, so we need to clarify a few points before giving an example. You don’t need to name the emotion. If you name the emotion, you aren’t showing it, you’re telling it. If you want to show the emotion, you show the character’s physiological response to the emotion, and the reader figures out the emotion and may well feel it right along with the characters.

Note that physiological responses are ambiguous. They are usually not enough to pin down the exact emotion. The reader also needs context. But once you’ve given them the right context, showing them the character’s physiological response will make them feel the emotion.

I’ll give just one example. You can easily imagine different contexts in which this physiological response might signal anger, fear, horror, or possibly other emotions:

• Luke’s face burned, but the inside of his stomach was icy cold.

Sensory Description

Sensory description is showing the environment in a way that appeals to the senses. Some examples:

• The dorm room smelled of peanut butter and dirty socks.
• Neon lights flashed red and blue and green.
• Thunder smashed outside the house. Rain pounded on the roof.

Mix and Match

You have five tools for showing your reader your story. You can mix and match them any way you like. Any paragraph you write can use any combination of these five tools. That gives you endless variety for showing your story.

There are other tools for telling your story—narrative summary and exposition are the most common. You may be asking if it’s okay to use these tools.

Of course it is! These can be powerful tools, used in the right way, at the right time in your story. It’s not possible to spend 100% of your story showing, with no telling at all. Telling gets your reader quickly and efficiently through the boring parts of the story. Showing takes your reader slowly and immersively through the exciting parts of the story.

As a novelist, you get to decide what percentage of your story to show and what percentage to tell. A modern high-octane thriller might spend 98% of the story in showing and only 2% in telling. A slower-paced, more reflective novel might spend only 60% showing and 40% telling.

Just don’t fool yourself. If you intended to show your reader mostly movie, but you wound up breaking into the movie in every paragraph to tell your reader interesting footnotes, then you didn’t do what you intended. You should at least know you’re doing that.

Homework

Look at the most recent scene you wrote for your novel. Highlight every word in the scene that is not action, dialogue, interior monologue, interior emotion, or sensory description. The parts that are not highlighted are the movie you’re creating in your reader’s head. The parts that are highlighted are the interruptions to the movie. Are you surprised how many interruptions you’ve got in your movie? Or is the proportion about right?

---

About The Author

Randy Ingermanson is a theoretical physicist and the award-winning author of six novels. He has taught at numerous writing conferences over the years and publishes the free monthly Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine.

 

 Randy Ingermanson Books at Amazon

Writing Quote: Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. --Mark Twain

 

 

Crafting Compelling Narratives: The Art of Pace and Prosody in Writing

 

by Olivia Salter

Mark Twain once famously said, "Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream." This quote embodies the essence of good storytelling—showing rather than telling. It emphasizes the importance of immersing readers in the narrative, allowing them to experience the story firsthand.

In writing, pace and prosody play a crucial role in captivating the audience and drawing them further into the story. Pace refers to the speed at which events unfold in a narrative, while prosody involves the rhythm, stress, and intonation of language. By mastering these elements, writers can create a dynamic and engaging reading experience that resonates with their audience.

One way to enhance pace in writing is to vary the speed at which events are presented. Short, snappy sentences can quicken the tempo and create a sense of urgency, while longer, descriptive passages can slow things down, allowing readers to savor the moment. By carefully orchestrating the pace of a story, writers can build tension, evoke emotions, and keep readers on the edge of their seats.

Prosody, on the other hand, involves the musicality of language. Just as a skilled musician uses rhythm and melody to create a symphony, a writer can use prosody to infuse their words with emotion and drama. By paying attention to the flow of sentences, the cadence of dialogue, and the placement of pauses, writers can give their writing a natural, fluid quality that captures the reader's attention.

Ultimately, pace and prosody are tools that writers can use to craft a compelling and immersive narrative. By striking the right balance between the two, authors can create a story that not only entertains but also resonates with readers on a deeper level. So the next time you sit down to write, remember Mark Twain's advice: don't just tell your readers what happened; show them, and let the story unfold before their eyes. 

About the Author of the Quote

Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist, essayist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced", and William Faulkner called him "the father of American literature". His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) with the latter often called the "Great American Novel". Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner. Wikipedia

Also see:

• Mark Twain at Amazon
• Writing Books Index

The Five Tools for Showing by Randy Ingermanson | Advanced Fiction Writing

 

The Five Tools for Showing

 

by Randy Ingermanson 

 

Advanced Fiction Writing

 

---

Your job as a novelist is very simple: to create a movie inside your reader’s head.

Not a picture. Not a sound bite. Not a word salad.

A movie. Inside your reader’s head.

Do that, and you win.

When editors tell you to “show, don’t tell,” what they really mean is to create that movie in your reader’s head.

You have five tools for showing that movie. That’s all. Just five. Master those five tools, and you’re far along the road to novelist nirvana. Here they are:

• Action
• Dialogue
• Interior Monologue
• Interior Emotion
• Sensory Description

Action

Action is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being doing something. Some examples:

• Hermione jumped on her broomstick and raced after Malfoy.
• Michael Corleone pointed his gun at the head of the police captain and squeezed the trigger.
• C3PO pressed its fingers into the wall socket, tripping the circuit breaker and plunging the room into darkness.

Dialogue

Dialogue is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being saying something. Some examples:

• “You are the last man I could ever be prevailed upon to marry,” said Elizabeth Bennet.
• “Hasta la vista, baby,” said the Terminator.
• “These are not the droids you’re looking for,” said Obi-wan Kenobi.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being thinking something. Some examples:

• I’ve got to catch that bottle of nitro before it hits the floor.
• Bad news. He loves me and he loves me not.
• It’s not enough to win this fight just for today. I need to win the fight for all time.

Interior Emotion

Interior emotion is a person or an animal or a robot or an angel or any other sentient being feeling emotion.

This is more complicated than the other tools, so we need to clarify a few points before giving an example. You don’t need to name the emotion. If you name the emotion, you aren’t showing it, you’re telling it. If you want to show the emotion, you show the character’s physiological response to the emotion, and the reader figures out the emotion and may well feel it right along with the characters.

Note that physiological responses are ambiguous. They are usually not enough to pin down the exact emotion. The reader also needs context. But once you’ve given them the right context, showing them the character’s physiological response will make them feel the emotion.

I’ll give just one example. You can easily imagine different contexts in which this physiological response might signal anger, fear, horror, or possibly other emotions:

• Luke’s face burned, but the inside of his stomach was icy cold.

Sensory Description

Sensory description is showing the environment in a way that appeals to the senses. Some examples:

• The dorm room smelled of peanut butter and dirty socks.
• Neon lights flashed red and blue and green.
• Thunder smashed outside the house. Rain pounded on the roof.

Mix and Match

You have five tools for showing your reader your story. You can mix and match them any way you like. Any paragraph you write can use any combination of these five tools. That gives you endless variety for showing your story.

There are other tools for telling your story—narrative summary and exposition are the most common. You may be asking if it’s okay to use these tools.

Of course it is! These can be powerful tools, used in the right way, at the right time in your story. It’s not possible to spend 100% of your story showing, with no telling at all. Telling gets your reader quickly and efficiently through the boring parts of the story. Showing takes your reader slowly and immersively through the exciting parts of the story.

As a novelist, you get to decide what percentage of your story to show and what percentage to tell. A modern high-octane thriller might spend 98% of the story in showing and only 2% in telling. A slower-paced, more reflective novel might spend only 60% showing and 40% telling.

Just don’t fool yourself. If you intended to show your reader mostly movie, but you wound up breaking into the movie in every paragraph to tell your reader interesting footnotes, then you didn’t do what you intended. You should at least know you’re doing that.

Homework

Look at the most recent scene you wrote for your novel. Highlight every word in the scene that is not action, dialogue, interior monologue, interior emotion, or sensory description. The parts that are not highlighted are the movie you’re creating in your reader’s head. The parts that are highlighted are the interruptions to the movie. Are you surprised how many interruptions you’ve got in your movie? Or is the proportion about right?

---

 

---

 

About The Author

Randy Ingermanson is a theoretical physicist and the award-winning author of six novels. He has taught at numerous writing conferences over the years and publishes the free monthly Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine.

 

 Randy Ingermanson Books at Amazon

 

More Advanced Fiction Writing

The First Rule of Writing: Show, Don’t Tell for the Novice Writer

 

"Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass."

 – Anton Chekhov

 
“Show, Don’t Tell” is an important rule when it comes to writing your story, it is the magic technique that breathes life and energy into any story.

The single best piece of advice you can receive to become a good writer is “Don’t tell me, show me.” Don’t tell me the character is angry; show me that the character is angry. Don’t tell me that the character had a good time at the party; show me how the character had a good time. This is The First Rule of Writing.

Telling sentences tell us something. They give information but it is general, non‐specific, and often vague. They don’t involve the reader. Telling sentences are written in a dull and lifeless manner. You leave out the action, emotion, and sensory detail — all the vital ingredients that make the reader believe in your story. “Telling” is a way of communicating facts to the reader — the wrong way. The right way is to “show” information through the use of action, dialogue, and the five senses. (If you’re still confused, please read on and let me “show” you what I mean.)

Imagine yourself in a darkened movie theater. All of a sudden the screen goes black and you can hear only the sound track — the dialogue and a few sound effects. How frustrated you’d be! If the technician didn’t get the projector fixed fast, you’d get bored and leave. The same is true for writing. If you fail to make the reader see your story, she’ll lose interest, put down the book, and never pick it up again. If that reader happens to be the editor to whom you’ve submitted your manuscript, then you’ve lost a sale.

Showing sentences show us — they describe the scenes and actions; they help us see by using clear, specific details to create clear, strong pictures in our minds. Showing sentences dramatize the events of your plot. The reader experiences the story as if he’s right there, participating in the story. In his imagination, he becomes the character. A showing sentence has a different “sound” and “feeling” when you read it.

Look at the following examples: 

1) First Example
Telling sentence: Jack was afraid.

Showing sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the gritty bricks against his cheek. Sweat chilled his palms. He used both hands to steady the gun.

Telling Sentences Give Information

Notice in the “telling” sentence, we’re given information, but in a way that doesn’t involve us in any scene. It’s as if we’re sitting in that movie theater, staring at a black screen and growing increasingly annoyed by our inability to see what’s happening.

In the “showing” sentence, however, we live through the scene along with Jack. We hear the tap of footsteps. We feel the tension in his stomach, the cold dampness of his hands, and the grittiness of the brick. We see the gun in his shaking hands. We live his fear, rather than merely being told of it.

And along the way, something miraculous happens: Jack becomes a real person. Even if he’s the bad guy, we can identify with him because we experience his fear, and fear is a universal human emotion. We want to turn the page and find out what happens to Jack. This is the power of “showing” instead of “telling.”
 

The Secret to “Showing” a Scene

So what is the secret to “showing” a scene? It’s beautifully simple. Use specific details. Specific details breathe life into your story. They stimulate the reader’s imagination so he can project himself into the scene and become a part of it. By the way, watch out whenever you name an emotion, such as Jack was afraid. It’s lazy writing. The reader won’t feel the emotional impact. How much better it is to “show” the emotion through action, the five senses, and dialogue.

2) Second Example
Telling sentence: Dave thought Brenda was acting secretive.

Showing sentence: Brenda slammed his dresser drawer shut and spun around, her hands hidden behind her back. Her lips jerked into a stiff smile. “Dave! I‐I thought you wouldn’t be home until six o’clock.”

Showing Brings a Vivid Picture

The “showing” example uses physical action, facial expression, and dialogue to convey the same information as the “telling” sentence. But with “showing,” we get a vivid picture. We watch the scene as if it were playing on a movie screen.

So, “showing” makes a scene come alive through the use of details. So take a good, close look at how you present your ideas and characters. All good books touch the reader on an emotional level. You do so by giving proof to the reader — proof of how this character acts and reacts when faced by problems. In other words, you “show” the reader why we should cheer for the character or boo him. And hopefully, in the process, readers will find themselves drawn into the story, unable to put the book down.

So now you have the idea, right? We need details. We need to know thoughts, feelings; we need to see, hear, feel, smell and taste your story. Learn how to put details in your writing. Did you ever wonder why you remember the characters in a book? Or what made a story especially memorable? By combining many elements of writing, you can learn how to write good stories and essays. You have to use the senses, avoid boring dialogue, and write memorable descriptions.

3) Third Example
Telling sentence: Mary was a pretty girl, with blue eyes and blond hair.  

Showing sentence: Mary’s blue eyes glistened with joy, her blond hair bouncing with each step.

4) Fourth Example
Telling sentence: Molly is a wonderful person. 

Showing sentence: Molly is always there when anyone needs her. She’s the first to arrive with a casserole when someone is sick, the first to send a note of encouragement to those who are troubled, the first to offer a hug to anyone ‐‐ man, woman or child ‐‐ at anytime.

5) Fifth Example
Telling sentence: It was very dark inside. 

Showing sentence: I held my hand in front of my eyes but couldn’t see its outline. The walls were invisible and it was impossible to see the bottom of the steep stairs.

6) Sixth Example
Telling sentence: The pizza was delicious. 

Showing sentence: Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage were layered thickly on top of one another while the white mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red tomato sauce.

7) Seven Example
Telling sentence: The house was haunted. 

Showing sentence: The old house stood eerily abandoned on the hill, scaring everyone in the neighborhood with creaking, breathing noises.

8) Eight Example
Telling sentence: Eating healthy is good for your body. 

Showing sentence: The calcium in milk, cheese, yogurt, and other dairy products, the vitamins in vegetables, and the protein in meal all help to keep our bodies strong and healthy.

9) Ninth Example
Telling sentence: I was really mad. 

Showing sentence: I ran to the door, threw it open with a loud bang against the wall, and yelled, “Get in this house right this minute! You are three hours late!”

10) Tenth Example
Telling sentence: Jim was so angry that Blair was afraid.  

Showing sentence: Jim grabbed the front of Blair’s shirt and slammed him into the wall. Blair fought to breathe, his heart hammering.

11) Eleventh Example
Telling sentence: The weather was bad. 

Showing sentence: A harsh wind whipped through the trees. Dark clouds poured buckets of rain that overran the gutters and spilled onto the sidewalks.

DRAW the readers in; MAKE them a part of what is happening. SHOW the scene, GET them involved, GIVE it a dramatic impact, SHOW them what’s happening now or how things happened by painting your narrative with words. USE figurative language (similes and metaphors), dialogue and descriptive words.

FREE COURSE: How To Show And Not Tell In Short Stories by Mia Botha

FREE COURSE: How To Show And Not Tell In Short Stories

 

by Mia Botha

 

Take Writers Write free writing course and learn how to show and not tell in short stories.

What the course includes:

1. The difference between ‘showing’ and ‘telling’. (Lesson 1)
2. How to ‘show’. We will discuss the 7 techniques we use to ‘show’. (Lesson 2-8)
3. When to ‘tell’. In the last lesson, we will discuss when you should ‘tell’. (Lesson 9)

We know that by showing and not telling, you will develop better ideas for your novels, memoirs, or short stories.