Actions and Subtexting
by Randy Ingermanson
Advanced Fiction Writing
In the last article, I showed an
extended example of subtexting in dialogue, taken from
Robert Ludlum's novel THE MATARESE CIRCLE. When I wrote
that column, I reread the entire 500+ page novel
looking for the best example of subtexting I could find.
While reading it, I also found a terrific example of
using actions to add a subtext to dialogue. This month,
I want to show you that example.
Most of us have heard the cliche that "actions speak
louder than words." Usually, it's understood that the
actions are subconscious giveaways that undermine the
speaker's words.
In the example I'll show, the actions are very
consciously chosen to negate the speaker's words. Why
would Robert Ludlum want to do that? You'll see...
Some background on the scene is in order. KGB agent
Vasili Taleniekov is a man on the run. He's searching
for information on a shadowy international organization
called the "Matarese" which is trying to destabilize
the world using terrorists as pawns.
Taleniekov is on his way to visit an old girlfriend in
Leningrad on a brutally cold winter day. He hasn't seen
her in years, and he knows that if he's being followed,
he'll endanger her, but he must take that risk. Her
name is Lodzia Kronescha and she can help him find the
truth. He expects that she'll be asleep when he
arrives. It doesn't occur to him that the Matarese
might already know about her.
Here's the passage we'll analyze:
He knocked on her door. Within seconds he heard the
footsteps beyond, the sound of leather heels against
hard wood. Oddly, she had not been in bed. The door
opened halfway and Lodzia Kronescha stood there fully
clothed -- strangely clothed -- in a bright-colored
cotton dress, a summer dress, her light-brown hair
falling over her shoulders, her sharp aquiline face set
in a rigid expression, her hazel-green eyes staring at
him -- staring at him -- as if his sudden appearance
after so long were not so much unexpected as it was an
intrusion.
"How nice of you to drop by, old friend," she said
without a trace of an inflection.
She was telling him something. There was someone inside
with her. Someone waiting for him.
"It's good to see you again, old friend," said
Taleniekov, nodding in acknowledgment, studying the
crack between the door and the frame. He could see the
cloth of a jacket, the brown fabric of a pair of
trousers. There was only one man, she was telling him
that, too. He pulled out his Graz-Burya, holding up his
left hand, three fingers extended, gesturing to his
left. On the third nod of his head, she was to drive to
her right; her eyes told him she understood. "It's been
many months," he continued casually. "I was in the
district, so I thought I would..."
He gave the third nod; she lunged to her right. Vasili
crashed his shoulder into the door -- into the left
panel, so the arc would be clean, the impact total --
then battered it again, crushing the figure behind it
into the wall.
Randy sez: Let's separate out the dialogue first and
see what it's saying on the surface:
"How nice of you to drop by, old friend," she said.
"It's good to see you again, old friend," said
Taleniekov. "It's been many months. I was in the
district, so I thought I would..."
Randy sez: This dialogue is so banal, it hurts to look
at it. This is the sort of dialogue your high school
creative writing teacher told you NEVER to write. But
the actions that come with the dialogue completely
subvert the words. And both Lodzia and Taleniekov
intend them to do exactly that.
We need a little backstory here. Lodzia has been
visited by an agent of the Matarese and questioned
about Taleniekov. The agent expects that Taleniekov may
come visit her, and if so, he tells her that she should
welcome him without revealing that she's not alone. The
agent intends to kill Taleniekov. So Lodzia has
consciously prepared herself to tip off Taleniekov with
actions -- actions that the Matarese agent won't know
are abnormal.
Let's spell out those actions in detail and see what
makes them work.
* Lodzia is wearing leather shoes at an hour when she
should be asleep in bed. Even before she opens the
door, she is communicating by her heel-clacking to
Taleniekov that something is wrong. The message that
she communicates to the Matarese agent is different --
he assumes that she has put on her shoes because she's
EXPECTING Taleniekov.
* Lodzia has put on a dress, even though it's bedtime.
And it's a summer dress, even though it's winter. The
visual message she is sending to Taleniekov is that
"something is wrong." Once again, the Matarese agent
gets a different message. The fact that she puts on a
dress tells him that she is planning on receiving a
guest. The fact that it's a summer dress, rather than
appropriate winter wear, escapes him, as it would
escape most men. (Lodzia tells Taleniekov this after
the big fight.)
* When Lodzia put on her dress, the Matarese agent
insisted on watching. She put up no protest, sending
him the message that she's a floozy sort of woman who
is planning on entertaining her gentleman friend.
(Lodzia explains all this to Taleniekov a bit later in
the scene.)
* When Lodzia opens the door for Taleniekov, she shows
no surprise at seeing him for the first time in five
years. Instead, her face is set in a rigid expression
and her eyes stare at him. This tells Taleniekov, once
again, that something is horribly wrong. The Matarese
agent, hidden behind the door, probably can't see her
face and eyes, but even if he could, they would tell
him only that she's expecting Taleniekov.
* When Lodzia speaks, her voice is flat and
expressionless, belying her words, which would normally
be spoken in a warm greeting. In technical terms,
Lodzia is using "paralanguage" to transmit a different
message than the words convey. The Matarese agent, as
it happens, is an Englishman with poor Russian, and
it's possible that he's not able to detect this
disconnect. But Taleniekov, a native Russian and a
long-time friend of Lodzia, picks it up instantly.
Lodzia is communicating with numerous actions that
something is very wrong. Yet her words themselves don't
communicate that. The only possible conclusion is that
a stranger is in the room who can hear Lodzia's words
but who can't decipher her strange actions as well as
Taleniekov can.
Taleniekov is the best agent in the KGB, and he
instantly reads this message and spots the stranger
through the crack in the door. He deduces that there is
only one man in the room with Lodzia. Ludlum doesn't
explain this deduction. He simply asserts that she is
telling him this. I'm not entirely sure how she's doing
so.
Taleniekov then does a bit of non-verbal communication
of his own, entirely at odds with his words, which are
just a repetition of Lodzia's own very prosaic words.
He pulls out a gun, which communicates to Lodzia that
he intends to fight. He shows her three fingers and
nods his head to his left to communicate what actions
she should take. These are pretty vague actions, but
Lodzia communicates back through her eyes that she gets
it. Ludlum doesn't quite explain how this works,
relying on the fact that Lodzia knows Taleniekov pretty
well and she's a KGB agent herself, so she should just
know what to do.
In my view, the scene works pretty well. There are a
couple of unexplained points that are just glossed
over, but overall, the reader buys into it.
Robert Ludlum specialized in superclever agents who
could read great significance into the smallest details
and instantly respond to the gravest danger. In this
case, he gave us a nice example of using actions to add
subtext to a lethally boring dialogue.
About The Author
Randy Ingermanson
is a theoretical physicist and the award-winning author of six novels.
He has taught at numerous writing conferences over the years and
publishes the free monthly Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine.
