Subtexting in Dialogue
by Randy Ingermanson
Advanced Fiction Writing
Broadly speaking, "subtexting" refers to that part of
dialogue which is left unsaid. You can write a dialogue
that is completely "on the nose" in which the
characters say exactly what they are thinking. But in
real life, people often leave a lot unsaid, either
because they can't say it, won't say it, don't know how
to say it, or don't think it's necessary to say it.
For your further reading on subtexting, check out the
book GETTING INTO CHARACTER by Brandilyn Collins.
This month, we'll look at an example of subtexting in
THE MATARESE CIRCLE, by Robert Ludlum. Ludlum is best
known for his Jason Bourne trilogy, but I like
THE MATARESE CIRCLE, better.
A little background on the book: THE MATARESE CIRCLE is
a conspiracy novel, written in the late 70s at the
height of the Cold War. At that time, spy novels
pitting a "good guy" CIA agent against a "bad guy" KGB
agent were common. (In some cases, the CIA guy was
"bad" and the KGB guy was "good.") But generally, both
the "good guy" and the "bad guy" were Xtremely
competent -- they were matched opponents in a battle to
the death.
THE MATARESE CIRCLE flipped those conventions around by
forcing an ultra-competent CIA man to work with his
sworn enemy, an equally talented KGB officer. The two
men had a shared backstory: The KGB man had once killed
the wife of the CIA man, who retaliated by killing the
brother of the KGB guy. But now, a worldwide conspiracy
is set to take over both the US and Russia, and both of
our uber-agents are marked for death by the
conspirators. Only by working together can the two
arch-enemies save the world. A good solid high-concept
story.
The following example features the KGB man, Vasili
Taleniekov. His task is to go back into Russia to smoke
out some information on the conspiracy. This is a tough
job, because he's a wanted man and his picture is
posted in every KGB office in Russia. The KGB is
claiming that Taleniekov has defected to the US and
should be shot on sight. In truth, he is a loyal
Russian intent on saving the Motherland from the
conspiracy.
Taleniekov enters Russia from Finland, using a Finnish
agent who believes he is American, and who has
therefore "helped" him by setting up a driver -- an
incompetent KGB agent who is currently an informer for
the Americans. The driver's name is Maletkin. Our man
Taleniekov must prevent Maletkin from panicking, must
persuade him to help gather the information, and must
find a way to get him hanged as a traitor.
Here then is the scene. I'll show it complete and then
analyze the subtexting. Taleniekov has approached
Maletkin's car while shielding his face, so Maletkin
has not yet recognized him. The scene begins with
Taleniekov leaning down into view and shoving his gun
in Maletkin's face.
"Good morning, Comrade Maletkin. It is Maletkin, isn't
it?"
"My God! You!"
With his left hand, Taleniekov reached in and held the
flashlight, turning it slowly away, no urgency in the
act. "Don't upset yourself," he said. "We have
something in common now, haven't we? Why don't you give
me the keys?"
What . . . what?" Maletkin was paralyzed; he could not
speak.
"Let me have the keys, please," continued Vasili. "I'll
give them back to you as soon as I'm inside. You're
nervous, comrade, and nervous people do nervous things.
I don't want you driving away without me. The keys,
please."
The ominous barrel of the Graz-Burya was inches from
Maletkin's face, his eyes shifting nervously between
the gun and Taleniekov, he fumbled for the ignition
switch and removed the keys. "Here," he whispered.
"Thank you, comrade. And we are comrades, you know
that, don't you? There'd be no point in either of us
trying to take advantage of the other's predicament.
We'd both lose."
Taleniekov walked around the hood of the car, stepped
through the snowbank, and climbed in the front seat
beside the morose traitor.
"Come now, Colonel Maletkin -- it is colonel, by now,
isn't it? -- there's no reason for this hostility. I
want to hear all the news."
Randy sez: In this short section, Vasili Taleniekov
accomplishes the first of his objectives -- he prevents
Maletkin from panicking.
Both men are in a very tight spot. Each is certain that
the other is a traitor to Mother Russia. Each distrusts
the other. Each would be better off with the other man
dead.
Yet Taleniekov is in complete control of the situation,
whereas Maletkin is sweating his socks off. What makes
the difference?
Two things. First, Taleniekov was first to recognize
the other man, so he's had the advantage of a few
minutes of preparation before their meeting. Second,
Taleniekov is a skilled agent, whereas Maletkin is a
plodding incompetent who has risen to second-in-command
at an obscure KGB outpost by reason of seniority.
These differences show up in their first exchange of
dialogue:
Line 1: "Good morning, Comrade Maletkin. It is
Maletkin, isn't it?"
Line 2: "My God! You!"
Randy sez: In Line 1, Taleniekov speaks calmly,
matter-of-factly, greeting Maletkin by name. The
subtext here is that "everything is normal." Taleniekov
knows full well that Maletkin is dangerous. The man
might try to ram him with the door, or pull a gun, or
try to drive off, or radio for help, or any number of
other obnoxious things. Taleniekov would then be forced
to shoot Maletkin, but he'd rather not. By speaking
calmly as if there is no danger, he actually REDUCES
the danger.
In Line 2, Maletkin says exactly what he's thinking. He
had believed he was picking up an American infiltrator.
Instead, he's picking up the famous Vasili Taleniekov,
who now knows that he, Maletkin, is a traitor. Rumors
say that Taleniekov is also a traitor, but . . . is he?
Maletkin can't know and he's terrified. His dialogue
carries no subtext.
In the next exchange, Taleniekov moves from words to
actions. Again, he moves calmly and deliberately, in
full control of the weak-minded Maletkin:
Line 3: With his left hand, Taleniekov reached in and
held the flashlight, turning it slowly away, no urgency
in the act. "Don't upset yourself," he said. "We have
something in common now, haven't we? Why don't you give
me the keys?"
Line 4: What ... what?" Maletkin was paralyzed; he
could not speak.
Randy sez: In Line 3, Taleniekov moves the flashlight
out of his eyes and then assures Maletkin that they are
both traitors. This reduces Maletkin's biggest fear --
that Taleniekov will expose him to the KGB. Then,
Taleniekov calmly asks for the keys. The subtext is
that Maletkin is in no danger.
In Line 4, Maletkin's jabbering makes it clear that he
is still out of control, but he is paralyzed into
inaction. Again, Maletkin's lines carry no subtext. He
is too much of a dullard to use subtexting.
Line 5: "Let me have the keys, please," continued
Vasili. "I'll give them back to you as soon as I'm
inside. You're nervous, comrade, and nervous people do
nervous things. I don't want you driving away without
me. The keys, please."
Line 6: The ominous barrel of the Graz-Burya was inches
from Maletkin's face, his eyes shifting nervously
between the gun and Taleniekov, he fumbled for the
ignition switch and removed the keys. "Here," he
whispered.
Randy sez: In Line 5, Taleniekov tells Maletkin exactly
what he's thinking -- that he doesn't trust him. But he
does it in a nice way: "You're nervous, comrade" -- and
again, his voice is calm and sure. The subtext is clear
-- "I am in control, even if you are just about to wet
your pants."
In Line 6, the gun provides Maletkin with all the
persuasion he needs. His fumbling actions make it clear
that while he is not in control of the situation, he is
also not going to do anything stupid. He's going to do
whatever Taleniekov tells him. This paragraph is so
nicely done that most readers will ignore the run-on
first sentence, which really should have been fixed by
the editor.
Line 7: "Thank you, comrade. And we are comrades, you
know that, don't you? There'd be no point in either of
us trying to take advantage of the other's predicament.
We'd both lose."
Line 8: Taleniekov walked around the hood of the car,
stepped through the snowbank, and climbed in the front
seat beside the morose traitor.
Line 9: "Come now, Colonel Maletkin -- it is colonel,
by now, isn't it? -- there's no reason for this
hostility. I want to hear all the news."
Randy sez: In Line 7, Taleniekov assures Maletkin that
they are on the same side and that it would make no
sense for either of them to try to take advantage. This
is a flat lie. Taleniekov intends to force Maletkin to
drive him to Leningrad, which will mean an awkward
all-day absence from his real job at local KGB
headquarters. Furthermore, Taleniekov intends to find a
way to get Maletkin executed.
In Line 9, Taleniekov picks up the dialogue in a
mock-friendly bantering tone that leaves no doubt that
he is in charge and Maletkin had better do whatever he
tells him.
I don't have space to show you how Taleniekov bullies
Maletkin into driving him to Leningrad. However, I
think it's worth showing a couple of lines a bit
further down, in which Taleniekov sets a trap for
Maletkin. They've been discussing the past few years,
and Taleniekov idly mentions that he once heard
Maletkin's name during a counter-intelligence
investigation. Maletkin responds fearfully:
Line 10: "Me? I was brought up?"
Line 11: "Don't worry. I threw them off and protected
you. You and the other man in Vyborg."
Randy sez: In Line 10, Maletkin reacts once again with
no subtexting, saying exactly what he thinks. He's
terrified that KGB has ever entertained the idea that
he, Maletkin, might be a traitor.
In Line 11, Taleniekov responds with a series of lies.
He implies that he, too, has been a traitor for some
years. He says explicitly that he protected Maletkin
from suspicion. Then he drops the bomb in an apparently
off-the-cuff comment: he claims that there is a second
traitor in KGB Vyborg, (where Maletkin works).
Maletkin immediately reads the subtext of this claim --
knowing the name of another traitor would give him a
lot of power over that man. Maletkin will do anything
to get the name of that traitor. Taleniekov promises to
give him the name when they've finished their excursion.
In reality, there is no other traitor, and Taleniekov's
goal here is to get Maletkin to cooperate fully for
this mission and then to incriminate himself when he
returns to work.
In the above example, we've seen an example of
one-sided subtexting. Maletkin's half of the dialogue
has no subtext. Taleniekov's half is packed full of
subtext. There's no question which half is more fun to
read.
About The Author
Randy Ingermanson
is a theoretical physicist and the award-winning author of six novels.
He has taught at numerous writing conferences over the years and
publishes the free monthly Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine.
.jpg "The Art of Story Writing : Facts and Information about Literary Work of Practical Value of Both Amateur and Professional Writers by Nathaniel Clark Fowler")